From the recordings Holy Fuck This Sucks: and I Love Myself Through It 2024 and I Am Love 2024
Lyrics
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## **INTRO — RAW CONFESSION**
*(Immediate, grounded)*
*(Dry vocal. Minimal piano or muted synth hit. No reverb. The lyric lands before the emotion swells.)*
I keep making the same mistake
Or at least that’s the story I keep replaying
Every choice feels wrong in advance
Like destiny’s fragile in my hands
I don’t trip — I spiral
I don’t fall — I turn violent
Turn the blame inward, sharp and hostile
Call it control when it’s really a self-destructive cycle
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## **VERSE 1 — THE DAY COLLAPSES**
*(Diary-level honesty)*
*(Sparse piano + subtle pad. Close-mic’d, conversational delivery. Let breaths and cracks stay.)*
I woke up with pins and needles
Pressure on my head, resistance and agony times ten
Same old thought on repeat:
*You didn’t learn. You did it again.*
Every move felt wrong in advance
Like fate’s a glass I can’t hold in my hands
I keep scanning the wreckage for proof
That I ruin everything I touch
I never get it right, I make the same mistake
I’m living in a cycle of suffering and pain
But it sounds like a case against you
If I say it cruel enough, maybe I’ll change
If I punish the pain, maybe it behaves
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## **PRE-CHORUS — PRESSURE BUILDING**
*(Contained tension)*
*(Low harmonies creep in. No drums yet. Energy tightens, not lifts.)*
It’s not the mess — it’s what it means
I spin disaster stories, add more struggling
I don’t know how to stop the hate
When every choice feels a second too late
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## **CHORUS — DESPAIR NAMED PLAINLY**
*(First emotional lift)*
*(Soft drums enter. Reverb opens slightly. Emotion expands but stays restrained.)*
I keep thinking this is it
That it never really shifts
That I’m stuck reliving the same regret
Just louder every time I trip
When the story sounds like this
I’d rather not exist
I don’t want to die — I just want relief
From feeling like I lost my life to one mistake
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## **VERSE 2 — HUMAN LOVE ENTERS**
*(Warmth, presence)*
*(Pull dynamics back. Warmer tone. Slight rhythmic steadiness.)*
I went out anyway, didn’t want to be seen
Sat down heavy, barely speaking
You looked at me like I wasn’t wrong
Like I hadn’t ruined anything all along
You didn’t rush me, didn’t fix my head
You just stayed and let me be upset
Then you said things I forgot were true
You said:
*You’re made of stars, you know*
*Life didn’t make you to be hit against the rocks*
*You’re here to build beautiful things*
*To love this world and what you bring*
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## **PRE-CHORUS 2 — BREATH RETURNS**
*(Release without climax)*
*(Drums thin. Space opens. Vocal softens.)*
And something cracked — but not in pain
More like air getting back in my lungs again
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## **CHORUS — REFRAMED**
*(Clarity replaces despair)*
*(Harmonies widen. Emotional lift feels steadier, calmer.)*
Maybe it’s not that I never learn
Maybe I’m learning something deeper than words
Maybe this isn’t proof I’m broken inside
Maybe I’m too tied to a perfection that isn’t alive
Maybe love isn’t what I earn
Maybe it’s what holds me when I burn
Maybe I don’t need to hate myself to grow
Maybe I already know
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## **BRIDGE — REMEMBERING**
*(Spacious, held)*
*(Drums drop out. Wide pads. Slow, reverent pacing.)*
You reminded me who I am
When I can’t see past the panic
That I have people, a body, a life
That I’m not alone in my mind
That even on days I want to quit
There’s still so much I’d miss
My family, my friends, my breath, my dance
The chance to make my life an epic canvas
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## **FINAL CHORUS — COMMITMENT**
*(Earned fullness)*
*(Fullest instrumentation. Harmonies swell. Not loud — expansive.)*
So if I turn on myself again
I’ll remember who stayed with me then
The ones who didn’t rush or explain
Just sat in the middle of the pain
I’ll remember I’m not a crime
For having a hard time
I choose to treat myself with care
Like someone worth staying here for
I don’t need to vanish to heal
I can stay.
I can feel.
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## **CATHARSIS — IDENTITY REMEMBERED**
*(Devotional, expansive)*
*(Choir-like stacks or octave doubles. Slow, grounded, luminous.)*
I am here to build something beautiful.
My life is art.
My life is precious.
I am important.
I am beauty in motion.
I am love in form.
Finite in body — infinite in source.
I am confident.
I make good decisions.
I am kind.
I am stardust with a heartbeat.
Intelligence breathing itself awake.
Everything is for my becoming.
Everything is on my side.
I am here to share what moves through me.
I am exactly where I belong.
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## **OUTRO — QUIET SEAL**
*(Stillness)*
*(All instruments fall away. Almost whispered.)*
Someone reminded me today.
I am love.
And I will live that way.
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